Back to Ballet

(Source: perrymasonsworld)

(via wingless-angelz)

Today was perfection. I slept a lovely 9 and a half hours and did not wake up feeling gross! I have not exercised in a few days but I am taking a few days off to get back into my head. Tomorrow, I shall kick back into gear! For now, I shall rest and read a book. 

Part of the reason for my jolly day was that I ate a very healthy dinner last night. My lovely suitemate grilled portabello mushrooms and onions in olive oil. I then proceeded to place them in a spinach salad with balsamic vinaigrette…it was magical. I had a side of whole wheat pita bread which was the perfect thing to fill me up with just 90 calories a slice! I had some tea to calm my appetite after dinner which was wonderful. Right before bed, I got the usual craving to eat and finally I caved. I did choose a slightly better choice however! I had just a simple slice of whole wheat bread, plain and it calmed my stomach without making me feel ill. 

I woke up in the morning feeling wonderfully refreshed and not starving. I had a bowl of plain oatmeal and cut up strawberries in it. I used almond milk to cool it down and had some green tea. This meal was perfect for filling me up without making me feel sick. 

I did not even start to feel hungry until 2 o’clock! It was such an accomplishment for me to be able to control my appetite. I had delicious chicken noodle soup with a side of fruit for lunch. I consumed around 3 cups of coffee today but all in all I can’t complain. 

I spent the day on the computer looking for places to hike in the Adirondacks over Memorial Day Weekend: a trip my best friend and I are planning on completing! I then took a walk down to Quincy Market and bought the cutest onesy for my sister’s future baby and a pair of shorts for my soon to be nine year old niece! I cannot believe she is going to be nine years old! 

For dinner, I actually had an amazing meal. I had a slice of the whole wheat pita bread with a tablespoon of mustard at around 4. I figured it was too soon to eat dinner but I was getting hungry. Then for dinner, I wanted to eat something interesting. I found this amazing recipe for a spinach smoothie. At first, I was repulsed by the sound but I figured it couldn’t hurt to try. At a mere 400 calories, it tasted like ice cream and filled me up like I had eaten a buffet of food. Here is the delicious recipe! The peanut butter overpowers everything so you only need a little bit!

2 cups Spinach

6 oz Plain Greek Yogurt

2 cups Almond milk

1 tablespoon peanutbutter

3 strawberries

1 banana

equals

The best meal in a long time! I feel so good for once. I will be having that delicious blend for breakfast in the morning and then go to the gym for a nice long run! If you keep on believing in yourself, you can achieve anything.

25 lbs to go, 4 months left.

How I feel today

(via add-some-colour)

Today has been a rough one. I discovered that my problem with food runs much deeper than just eating the wrong foods and not dancing. I have come to admit that I am an emotional eater. Last night after a rough fight, I proceeded to eat everything I could get my hands on. Chicken Wings, sweet potato fries, onion rings, an ice cream sandwich, and pancakes. I woke up this morning in pain, my stomach writhing over my lack of control. 

I do not want to blame my binge eating on dance but there is definitely something to say about the connection between food and dancers. I was too skinny last summer, eating less than 1000 calories a day, running 5 times a week, and dancing 6. I was far too thin and I overcompensated this year by going too far. It is a long battle that I am struggling with. 

However, despite my defeat last night, I am determined to push through this bit. I have a feeling it will get better. The first step is admitting your problem and now that I know I definitely have one, I can overcome it. My sister has also struggled with food for years and she gave me the truth this morning. You just need to notice what you are doing and stop. Easier said than done but I am going to take this one day at a time. 

This morning, I ate a healthy breakfast of Kashi Go Lean cereal with a lot of protein in it. I then had a handful of plain almonds and my stomach is feeling so much better. I have drank lots of water to try and stable out my stomach and avoid having more issues. 

Life sucks sometimes but I need to push through it. I have been looking for ways to overcome my struggle with food and I began writing down things that make me happy. This was actually a big help. I found things I can do when I get upset and feel the urges of food calling me. I noticed that I really do have a lot of hobbies that I have ignored lately. I am not going to be able to dance my way out of this one easily but I feel confident.

25 lbs to go, 4 months

(Source: fuckyeahhealth)

27storeys:

Dance

“Always do what you’re afraid to do.”- Emerson

I hate to break it to society but fear is so refreshing. I am deathly afraid of getting back in shape for fear of failure but I am going at it with an irreverent point of view. If I fail, screw it. I need to get back up and try again. I did a ballet barre class in my minuscule dorm room today and despite my lack of dance in 5 months, I loved every minute of my failure. I  feel so energized now and so much more alive. 

My diet today was not so uplifting. I think what kills me is if people put free food in front of me, I can and will eat all of it. I ate a simple bowl of oatmeal today with soy milk, a healthy meal that fills me up before my first college class. I then received a text saying that friends were in the Dining Hall. I thought that going to the dining hall I would grab a coffee and maybe some yogurt. Instead, I indulged on grits and a bagel with cream cheese. Mind you, I did eat a whole wheat bagel with light cream cheese but the fact that I had consume around 700 calories for breakfast was ridiculous. My binging habits are not due to the fact that I am hungry. I am actually eating out of boredom or to stop my acid reflux but I will get into that issue in another blog. For lunch, I ate a Simply Asian meal that was only 300 calories and since then I have been drinking water. My terrible eating habits of eating large amounts at one time are the things I need to overcome. Once I return to my humble abode it should be easier. 

Anyhow, I learned today that dance is the only thing that will kick me back into gear mentally and physically. It is going to be a long walk back but I feel confident I can do this. 

25 lbs to go, 4 months to do it in.